my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
