she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
