Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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