i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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