I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
