I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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