Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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