I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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