There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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