defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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