its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The uberlube is also flammable
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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