I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
