you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
