i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
