No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
