im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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