Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Girls should come with a carfax report
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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