How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
