last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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