my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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