what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize