how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
