I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
