oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
