Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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