He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
