So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
