I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
