Nicole vs. Life
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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