The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
