when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
