the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
