I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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