dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and she was petting her beer can
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
