just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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