i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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