AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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