there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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