your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
