Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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