If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
