I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
