I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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