today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
