turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drake has all the answers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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