yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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