My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
