you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
