Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What a dumb baby whore.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
