Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
