I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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