I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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