you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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