she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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