Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
