Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
