can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
