Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He passed out mid-signature
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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