Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
