Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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