Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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