The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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