No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
should my penis look like a turkey
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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