So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
