I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
