what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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