im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
