You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
