Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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